Monday, March 28, 2011

Why I Loathe Flossing...

So, tomorrow I have a dentist appointment. I used to really enjoy going to the dentist as a kid. You got to pick awesomely disgusting toothpaste flavors, like watermelon or chocolate. You got a new toothbrush in whatever color you wanted. You usually got out of school early. And best of all, they gave you minty bubblegum. What's not to like about that? Well, I'll tell you...FLOSSING!

I told my sister I had to go to the dentist, and she laughed and said, "Oh, you're giving blood tomorrow." Which, if I may go on a tangent here, I also dislike giving blood because my veins seem to retract into my body and taunt the nurse, who they sent to practice drawing blood for the first time ever. After which I look like the victim of an unfortunate porcupine accident. But anyway, the dentist thing. She said this because we have all inherited ridiculously tightly-spaced teeth. Really, it's probably more like just two teeth; one tooth all the way across the top and one tooth all the way across the bottom. Mega Tooth, if you will. My mother also has this Mega Tooth condition, so she never made us floss growing up. So the older we get, the more we bleed when the dentist tries to floss Mega Tooth. Pretty soon, going to the dentist is going to be counter-productive because they're going to have to start giving us cookies to help with the blood loss.

So here are my own personal thoughts on flossing. It's meant to be done only the week before you go to the dentist. I'm sure they can tell you're only pretend flossing, but hey at least you thought about it. I mean really, why else would people do it!? It takes forever...or at least takes forever to penetrate the tiny cracks in the fortress walls of Mega Tooth. Since I can't seem to justify waking up earlier to do something I hate (flossing), I've started using those little dental flossers in the car on the way to work. This process has its pros and cons. For example, I can actually improve my dental hygiene and get to work on time, but it does put the whole Mega Tooth dilemma out in the open for everyone to see. So if you hear someone laughing about this girl they saw while driving that was trying to yank a flosser out of her teeth, but then had to give up and leave it in there so she could accomplish a left turn... don't laugh! Because it's not her fault...she has Mega Tooth Syndrome.

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